this week
Posted on September 29
dear diary:
so, this week's been super busy and still not very good. in terms of projects, i haven't done anything to STPR, but i rpobably should, i have a last-minute change i want to make before i get it out on sunday. i've been thinking about a 4th (5th?) album, basically "midifreak 2", though it won't be that, probably. i kind of wanted to do something with a story, where each song is part of a story and you read through the songs as you listen - like fish whisperer. love that album. it sounds fun, right? i hope it will be, and i hope i can make it come out by the end of the year. probably not, though, because albums take a lot of time to create... especially MIDIfreak, because i did a lot of editing and testing it and junk, because i actually tried on it, unlike bugpony. anyways! homecoming game tonight, i have to do shit with Band again.. i don't want to do it, but i know just like every other day that in 12 hours i'll be asleep, all comfy in my bed again, and it'll be over. tomorrow's homecoming, and i'm going with my friend izzy, and we're going with our friends bryan and kayde, which will be fun! i went to the park and store yesterday w/ izzy and bryan and it was really fun, i hope i get to do that again. i liked walking around with them. speaking of my friends, i made a show with them, like a parody of the office and family guy, that everyone's seeming pretty eager to film more of - next episode is about "evil bible club" and that'll be pretty fun to create, i think! i'm not posting the episode here, because i don't want you to see my face yet. or my voice. sorry, not sorry x3
anyways, talk to you later, diary

just sad
Posted on September 27
dear diary:
im so so so so tired.... i woke up super late today.. worse, i still feel mostly bad. not good. i bet i probably look terrible too.. i feel like my guts are all weird.
waiting for saturday (homecoming) and sunday (stpr). then itll all be ok, maybe.....
ah, what i would give to feel like a girl


edit: i found two cookies in my bag i had forgotten about, and i feel much better now

terrible 3 days
Posted on September 25
dear diary:
the past three days have been, in a word, horrible. friday was just plainly a bad day, i wrote a vent post about it (but it's gone for a bit because i expect traffic from STPR) - anyways, the weekend was, also, bad. i'm not saying what happened because it pains me to think about. still. but it's been eating away inside me and it's not going away. so. thats great. i feel like shit and i cant do much about it. great.
i'm just a girl, you know? should i be hurting this bad? i dunno. sorry.
until next time

it's coming soon.
Posted on September 23
dear all:

some simple life updates
Posted on September 21
dear diary:
i'm doing good today, like, actually good! :)
i created another blog for my friend, babybellcheese, and i might do ANOTHER blog (this time for money), which is cool because creating an easy-to-update blog isn't very hard, although the updating part kind of is, unless you do actually know html. anyways! stpr is DONE, i have to finish marketing and the page and everything, and it'll be out this october, and hopefully it'll even be in the smbx direct! how cool would that be? Very.
anyways, bye! (this is blog post number 43)

im ok
Posted on September 18
dear diary:
writing this to say i'm ok! i'm fine! i talked about the last post's contents with friends... no conclusion yet, obviously, but they helped me in clearing my mind a bit. (the night i wrote that post was one of the worst episodes i've had in the last year.)
anyways, lately ive been rereading harry potter again, ive not really been working on stpr lately because i don't want to. i've been making an "episode" of a show lately - but it's just band, it's made of stupid clips and skits from the things we do, and it's pretty good so far. i don't think i can post it publicly, but i can talk about it.
i don't really have anything else to talk about, though. except for my friend asking me to make her a blog - i'm going to homecoming with her as friends - i'm waiting on her to reply to an email so i can start working on her blog, it should only take a day to create.
ok, bye, thank you

reminder to check out

something is wrong
Posted on September 15
dear diary:
i think somethings wrong with me
i want to be right.. i want to feel right.. like myself.. will it ever happen..?
i'm sick of waiting to feel like a girl. i just want it to happen.. sigh. at least some things help the feeling.

gender dysphoria has been acting up recently, i don't really know why. maybe it's my clothing choice. i wanna make my hair straight and long and wear big circular glasses and be the quiet shy girl with a big blue hoodie.. that sounds nice, honestly

happy birthday, undertale

winter is coming and i'm scared
Posted on September 13

dear diary:
today i woke up the cold morning air.. as i felt it on my skin, i was reminded of winter. the memories of snow, the changing leaves, of christmas.. i like winter enough, except that the last two have been terrible for my mental health.. but! i think i might be able to fix that this year? i have enough projects to distract myself this time, i think maybe, but i might also have enough friends tthis time to stay happy, maybe..? i need to stay happy during winter.
i think i want to cry. but it's kind of hard to. i don't know, i feel notably melancholic right now, and i'm not super sure why? i think it could be because i know winter is coming here soon, and i'm not ready for it. -- especially since, i just remembered, i think october is super cold? i remember a particular band practice last year where my entire body was as cold as it'd ever been -- and i know it was before state finals, meaning it was super early november or a very specifically cold night in october.. i hope i'll be warm this time, you know?
anyways.. the anniversary of my blog is in december. thank you for following my journey, even if you haven't read every single entry. i don't think anyone has.
until next time.

been drawing in google slides
Posted on September 11

dear diary:
hi! lately i've been into getting into drawing in google slides lately (see below). it's fun, it's a pretty good svg art program, even if it definitely wasn't meant for that. it's fun.
anyways, my weekend was pretty.. boring? i dont know i feel like it passed way quicker than usual this time.. its weird... i made music, played terraria a lot, worked on STPR. it's getting close to being finished - it was finished, almost, but i have a really good playtester who gave me lots of good notes, so i'm reworking things to fit said notes. i don't have a whole lot of time to complete them.. but i think i can!
anyways... i'm sleepy. i've also been feelings pretty emotional lately. i don't know why, though. more moody, angry, sad.. etc.. i don't like it, but i don't know how to change.. whatever.
see you later..!

Posted on September 5

dear diary:
happy autumn!
the site is now red. duh. it's ALSO mobile friendly, i think! i made the left sidebar disappear when you get under a certain page width and replaced that with just the important parts showing up above the blogs. planning to cover more things this month too, except actually maybe not now that i think about it, because i need to get STPR FINISHED this month. it needs to come out by 10/1. i thought it was done, but i have a really good playtester who gave me lots of feedback yesterday, so i'll be working on that later. anyways bye

MOBILE SUPPORT ADDED! there's now an icon and a default name (mainly works on iOS should work on Android?) if you add the website to your homepage via Safari. also fixing mobile issues!

sleepover 2
Posted on September 3

dear diary:
i'm currently at a sleepover at my friend izzy's house w/ bryan and kathryn - its fun, we finished Spree, i love it i cant believe its a real movie
um, i got a MCR cd and A fidget spinner and some clothes i think maybe im nor sure. hoping i dont throw up this time ik i did last time.
im gonna let them type:

I HAVE A FAT FAT FAT .... - Kathryn

hi i'm super cool and nice and the best friend in the world - Izzy :)

Hey its me bryan brooke has mentioned me a bit anyways they let me do some stuff on here and i just wanted to say that they are a big nerd buh bye - Bryan

ok bye blog love u


Posted on August 30

Dear Diary:
Yesterday I went nonverbal for the first time in the middle of fifth period. It was kind of a weird experience - I panic texted Ivy when that happened, but neither of us knew what to do. It lasted until the end of the day.. when I got to 6th period, Band, I had a sticky note prepared saying "I'm not doing a bit, I just don't want to speak today." I wrote on sticky notes for the rest of the day, including asking my friends if they thought I could go the entire period without talking. 3 for yes, 2 for no. I won, because I was still nonverbal by the end of it, but I think it went away by the end of class, too? I don't know much about it. Sorry. If anyone could tell me more about this I'd like that, thank you.. Anyways, it was.. an experience? I think it's gonna happen again. Soon. I don't know.

p.s. don't mind this entry being written properly

p.p.s. 7,000 words have been written here, apparently, and apparently it'll take 25 minutes to read. i beg to differ >:)

dork with a diary..
Posted on August 29

dear diary:
i've been thinking about dork diaries a lot. the only time i ever read it was in elementary school, but for some reason, its memory is ingrained in my soul, juxtaposted with all the wimpy kid i read. i remember the beautiful art, glittery gel pen*, cutesy ... nature..? i don't know, it's hard to think right now... (*i don't remember if it included sparkly gel pen, but i've been writing with them exclusively the past week and they remind me of the book.) anyways, ive also been thinking i kind of want to Write. like WRITE. like write something really meaningful and maybe its a book and i don't really know, i wanna write something though. with my hands. not typing.
thank you????

Posted on August 29

Nothing too important.

Posted on August 28

something feels important about today. not knowing what it is, is making my stomach turn. i feel like i'm going to throw up... what was so important about today?

my weekend n stuff
Posted on August 26

dear diary:
hi! i've had a long weekeend so i've had the chance to code a bit. i've been good recently, playing terraria with Ivy a lot, i've been doing whatever i want and unfortunately that includes being depressed a bit. but that's ok! we all get that way some times. i also coded what will be the website's autumn retheme, i'm proud of it and excited to implement it sometime in september, whenever i feel like it should be there. im also excited to see FNAF when it comes out, i hope it's better than mario... i saw Mario when it came out, but god, i don't actually like it that much, and i'm a HUGE mario fan. feels kinda cheap, i haven't rewatched it at all, and i much prefer Barbie cause it was really good.. anyways, bye!

school started again / rant
Posted on August 22

dear diary:
sorry for the low quality post last entry. i feel like i remember making a number of those last year, i apologize. i want my blog to be interesting to read, but i also want it to sort of chronicle everything that happens, but i don't always have the energy or time to write a post. thank you.
anyways, school started again. it's kinda boring right now (i'm in higley's class.. ugh..) but it's fine. it's quiet. i guess its fine.. im just waiting for my more interesting 5th period, algebra 2, and my fun period, band. probably get to move things today. hooray.
(rant starts here) even though my band synth is $2000 more than my home synth (Arturia Keylab MkII vs. Korg EK-50) i like my home synth more. why? WEIGHTED KEYS SUCK!!!! they're too fucking heavy on the arturia and i hate playing complex things with them. i dont even like the synth - its just a midi controller. FINE when its just you making music but horrible when you're at band and you're missing a piece of the puzzle and nothing can work and it wont connect to anything and... you get what i mean?? "midi controllers" suck ass. useless pieces of plastic and broken dreams. "oh wow i got a $1,000 synth i wonder if i can use it" nuh UH buddy go buy fucking mainstage or FL or some dumbass shit to make it work, BUDDY. ALSO i just saw now the NERVE of these guys to sell WOODEN LEGS for LITERALLY $230... ugh.
i'm done ranting

diary entry 8 19
Posted on August 19

dear diary:
school is starting soon again. i dont wanna go. also i dumped Alex i don't like him anymore
annyways so there's someone else i have a crush on and it's not gonna go well lol i know theyre gonna reject me or smth
uh... i had a pool party yesterday it was cool everyone came to it i had fun


my new name
Posted on August 14

dear diary:
i've been thinking a lot about changing my name. i've been going by Kai irl now for a long time, 2 years?, and Kaia online. i like the name Kaia but i don't know if it's for me anymore. so i've been thinking about a new name- it makes me feel warm inside, i really really like it, and ive been using it online exclusively for a bit now, although i don't really know if there's a gender-neutral version i can go by.. :( anyways, i like it, is the point.
call me Brooke!

Posted on August 14

it's coming soon. i promise. the demo, at least. thanks for putting up with me

Posted on August 11

dear diary
so ive been working on upgrading my laptop. its not going very well. this new one is good and all but the fans suck and discord crashes randomly and SMBX2 won't fucking work and ALSO the audio jack is broken so i had to buy a usb one. it's not here yet, so i can't make any music today. it sucks. hopefully itll get better but i ran out of money to keep upgrading this thing so i have to wait for cosmic to pay me again. cool. uh.. so.. that's basically it. STPR demo should come out really soon. by october.

Posted on August 8

dear diary
i made a patreon. if you sub, you get a comission, basically.

other than that, i've been okay. i got a huge raise in my commission prices for a show so. thats cool. new computer soon maybe


Posted on July 26

dear diary

hi, blog

here's life recently
i've been getting up every day pretty early because i have band camp now. it's fine, i like seeing my friends and all, but i think it;s really boring, especially cause my synth hasn't worked and i haven't been playing anything these past three days (itll work tmrw i think.) so its boring. anyways ive been working on super terrible project R, and last night i hid some clues about the project in some pretty.. predictable? places? can you find them? probably. anyways, so i'll probably do a big official name reveal sometime, and a teaser video saying the demo will come out late 2023 soon. the name's already been said in a couple places, so if you look harder, maybe you'll find them? idk.
so life's been... ok? i don't know. i haven't felt good lately, at least not super good. i don't know if i'm ever gonna get the mental health help i need, and if i never do, then i'll tell you all how i'm dying, ok? haha
so um, if you want a commission, i'm open for those, i got a cashapp and a paypal now. they're.. cool.. right? i'm really tired, okay?!
it's been weird kind of having money recently? i got my bandcamp money and i kinda spent it all immeidately so im waiting to get paid again so i can spend it all immediately too.
also, i kinda wanted to maybe do a blog that is a movie review? give my honest thoughts on movies i've seen recently? sounds fun! plus ive wanted to do more "solid" "content" for a while now, like editing a big youtube video. idk. uhhh lets seee... so i saw Barbie and i could review it, cause i really liked it. i also wanna review Spirited Away cause it was so good... ugghh a BDG song just came on. ive been listening to louie zong and BDG a lot lately. and vylet pony of course, always her. i also listen to the mysterious murasame castle theme from smash a lot. its really good but it also reminds mee too much of gang-plank galleon, i think. or one of the tetris themes. remember what i said earlier? the next two songs coming up in my playlist are "thumbnail" and "soundscape diary" so i guess i was honest haha.. thanks for letting me get all this out, by the way., i don't really want to talk to anyone about all this. everyone i know won't really care or if they do they won't really have any commentary... kinda sad? idk. i dont really wanna have a conversation with someone that's mostly one-sided. over 1100 characters in this paragraph so far, so i guess i'm really just writing an essay. i guess i could talk more about band camp - it's fun, i get to see my friends. danny and koby are predictably dorky, bryan and kathryn and jonathan are funny, pit and battery are nice. i'm saying their names here in case i forget in a lot of years because i don't want to forget. i don't want to forget. i don't want to forget!! that's the point of this blog! i archive it pretty frequently to make sure nothing gets lost. i want it to stay here forever on the internet. so i can always see it. write down my thoughts and feelings and *remember* what i was thinking. because that's important, right? knowing what you thought all those months, years ago? knowing what your life was like? like is so short and fickle and ever-changing and fast and i hate it but i love it and i can't bear it and i can't wait to see more. 2000 characters. i can't believe life. it's just a mess of hopes and dreams and music and thoughts and myself and this girl i want to be deep inside trying to come out and i hate it and i love it and i'm getting rambly because the girl inside is knocking at her window and knocking at the door and asking may i please come out? yes girl, yes dear, yes sweetheart you can come out and you can spill all of your thoughts and feelings into a diary that nobody will care about and everybody will see.............

goodnight, diary

money !!!
Posted on July 20

dear diary

life has been good lately! i finally got a cash card so now i can finally start getting paid for my work! i use paypal to take em. maybe ill give out my cashapp. idk. i finally got the $26 waiting in limbo from bandcamp, so if you bought an album (i know some of you did), i spent your money on Fairune Collection. thank you! that's all, except the next two weeks are band camp so i'll be busy every day :( anyways bye

Testing spoiler tag

Posted on July 10

dear diary

little update: life is fine right now, feeling happy cause i just finished a big commission for cosmicpostman (5:45 in length) and i am gonna buy rpg maker mz, the 2020 version, and im also gonna get the 2003 version for me and germpills. but i havent told them yet. i wanna get the latest version cause its on sale rn and i do wanna make a game with it.. idk. anyways! the song i made for cosmic is rly fuckin good, i dont think i can post it rn, but im proud of it (and getting paid!!! love that) ummm i also hid motifs of my own in there, i dont think anyone but me is gonna recognize them all. also cosmic hasnt told me anything about find a motif so,. i guess . its fine. **** has recognized them tho :3
anyways, thats basically it, just wanted to write down my thoughts. bye diary

sleepover tomorrow
Posted on July 7

dear diary

tomorrow im going to a sleepover. this is the first sleepover ive gone to this state since my 3 years of being here, and my second im being invited to ever. bryan and izzy keep describing it as a "girls night" and im like,, holy shit? really? i want to go to a "girls night" i wanna be a girl more. i wanna feel like one. yknow? gender is ard for me; its hard for me to even say my own name, even if its my preferred one. anyways! they're reading this . so tomorrow im gonna try and be my best self, try to be a girl, even if i dont feel like one all the time. it'll be fun.. i hope. im also ringing my modded wii u so i finally get to play nsmbwii with friends - ive wanted to do that for a while again.
apart from the sleepover, im also getting paid soon, because ive started working on another show! ^_^ or, um, i think it's a show? either that or dnd? idfk. theres like 18 songs tho, ill publish all of them on my youtube once im allowed to. bye diary

this week
Posted on July 1

hey, diary

my weeks been really so so. i got really depressed last night. and also been a little busy because ive been getting into the original animal crossing, and of course ive been working on midifreak. it comes out today and im just now realizing i dont have seperate song uploads for all the music so i guess i should do that.... but im really tired, so whatever, i guess. i wont even release them at the same time. idk. im really tired.
bye... for now

June ─────────────────────────────────────────────o

summer is really boring
Posted on June 25

dear diary:
here are the things that have happened:
i got animal crossing gc to work, band had no kids at it, i ruined my sleep schedule, i played vr minecraft, i coded bugyga 2, i started finished up my secret project, i played a bad shrek racing game, i ate really good pizza, and i like pac man. that's basically it.
sorry for not updating much - there hasn't really been anything big that i really want to talk about. just small things. if i decide something's cool enough, i'll blog about it, but if not, then whatever. otherwise, stay tuned for that secret project.
bye! see you soon

edit 6/27: that secret project is MIDIfreak, my next album!!! releasing july first! it's gonna be cool, pinky promise :)

I found this weird picture on my camera roll
Posted on June 21

dear diary:

Posted on June 12

This entry has been deleted. I'm keeping it here for numbers' sake.

pool party
Posted on June 6

dear diary:
hello! today i am holding a pool party! :) i invited like 15 people to it and i hope a lot of people show up. this is my first actual party ive ever been too - a little disappoing i had to hold one for that to happen - but whatever. i dont care rn. it will start in 2 hours and 20 mins. it will be cool! i get to see my boyfriend too so thats awesome. anyways im really hungry and im also wirint ghit son call so im gonna go do that. bye

note 11/14: i said "i'm writing this on call".

exams ending
Posted on June 2

dear diary:
hello. today i am finishing up my last exams - im a little sad to leave my 1/2 period teachers behind, i like them. did you know this is post #53? i did. i hope it is at least. anyways, happy pride month, i put bug and berry in the header and they're just walkin around up there with the flag stuff on. (something about seeing bug in the trans skirt feels.. right.)

anyways, after this is summer break. back to playing video games and making music. now would be a good time for commissions!
if i had any LOL
i'm not complaining, i don't need the money super badly anyways. i just hope i don't get to a point where i have to put out "emergency commissions". i worry about my financial state sometimes. ...anyways, bye for now

May ───────────────────────────────────────────────────o

entry #52
Posted on May 31

dear diary:
i want to talk to you about endless things but i dont know where to start. i really like technology, im amazed by how it works, im amazed by how it grips us all and how its intertwined. though im really interested in the emergence period of tech. like windows 95-xp. late 90s, early 2000s. i really like how it was way more fun, the UI wasnt flat, everything was marketed as hip and cool and such.. is it even possible to miss a time you didn't see? is that what we call "longing"? why do i feel this way? escapism? unrest? the cruelty of today's modern world has me feeling bleak -- like it's super hard for me to imagine how people are just okay. happy. living on a normal income, going to work, maintaining a steady job and family. how are people happy? i want to ask you everything i want to know everything you know. one day? can i see you again?

fish whisperer
Posted on May 31

i IMPLORE you to listen to can opener's notebook: fish whisperer RIGHT NOW, or when you have time. LISTEN TO THE WHOLE THING. READ THE DESCRIPTION OF THE ALBUM and then the description of EVERY SONG. fish whisperer tells a story about a pony (named can opener, or canni), learning to love live and theirself. i can't explain it very well, but i beg that you listen to it. ...thank you.

my weekend
Posted on May 30

dear diary:
how've you been? how've i been? i have exams this week and i am not prepared! i will listen to this song until i die.
anyways, this weekend i played doom eternal a lot- very good game. i like how it's literally modern doom - everything from the original is still there, just 3d now. there's a lot of collectables, and i'm a bit concerned i won't finish it because each mission is like two hours long - that's a while... i also played a lot of fortnite (i'm getting sick of the map), and some skyrim. i started replaying it because i like it. the weirdest thing i did over the weekend was successfully get windows xp running in a virtual machine - it took two hours, but it works, and i don't know why i did it, because i literally don't have a use for it. i might recreate it in html, but i might also make an html page completely inside XP and test my knowledge of html and css without looking anything up. also without using images. (just ms paint.) idk, might be cool. also also, i'm continuing to make the band kid movie i mentioned - i have a logo for it now, and some music, and i'm hungry and tired and also writing it. that's all i have for now

p.s. have you noticed im not super good at titling these?

p.s.s. i hope someone reads these and thinks of me as a cute online blogger girl

it's 12 am
Posted on May 28

dear diary:
i wish people accepted me as trans more. i wish i accepted myself more. i never feel like a girl. it's starting to break me, honestly. i dont even look like one unless i try and even then

random thoughts lol
Posted on May 25

dear diary:
currently listening to How To Talk To Your Shadow?/Brohoof (vylet pony, carousel). i heard Discord for a second and nearly died lol
also, yesterday, i introduced the idea of making a movie to my friend in band and.. they want to do that, too. so i've started writing it. it's gonna be fun
also... i really wanna make a new EP this year. i've listened to almost all of carousel now and i really like it, though the first half of it is more my taste. still, nothing i really skipped entirely!

wasting away
Posted on May 24

dear diary:
i redid my links page, now it looks like windows 95.
i feel like i have been wasting my days - maybe.. i dunno! something's wrong and i can't really place it. maybe its because ive been playing a lot of fortnite. idk lol

updates on stuff.
Posted on May 19

dear diary:
some updates:
1. my weak computer is now getting to be too weak to handle this site's code. there are nearly 900 lines, so i understand that, but i don't really know how to solve the problem. i'm either going to try and load some old blog posts from a different page in an iframe, or just shove everything inside a div that's hidden from the start.
[edit: i fixed it. it hides pretty seamlessly inside an iframe, now.]

2. i still feel like crap, but i am making more music, and i gotta say, my recent songs sound pretty good. 'bathhouse on fire' is a hit, imo.

3. i might make another romhack of something. a short, non-stp hack. SMB, SMB3, and SMW (maybe) are the games i'm considering.

4. i'm having a friend over today for the first time in months. i am excited

5. thank you guys for 200,000 views on my website, even if a ton of those are probably just bots.

bored and sad still
Posted on May 17

dear diary:
this page's code is getting so big that i might have to do something about it eventually. anyways, i haven't felt the best recently, but i'm okay, i guess, whatever. nothing new. i made songs. i wanna work on stpr more.

also, band is gonna start soon, so at least i'm doing stuff, i guess. whatever

shashin life
Posted on May 9

dear site:
the tomodachi life page is now much better, now with a photo album. link to that

(updated page may 10th, too)

kanashi life
Posted on May 8

dear diary:
i feel like posting another blog entry, sorry. i'm listening to vylet pony's new album, carousel, and it sounds good! i feel.. apprehensive. maybe i'm just somber today, or maybe i'm really fearing that something bad will happen - i'm not sure, but i know i feel uncomfortable. and sad. sorry.

also, also, Ready Player Two is WAY too alike to Sword Art Online than i thought. also it mentions sonic.exe. not good

tomodachi life
Posted on May 8

dear diary:
i'm gonna start working on a tomodachi life page!
this line of text is the 6,000th update on my website.
here are some pics i want to include:

Koby and Ava.

Gerard "Garfield" Mulley and Eepy Girl.

these are currently all the married couples i have, by the way
bonus pic:

the roof of the Apartments building, Japanese-exclusive

other thoughts for the day:
i'm glad i have FL studio. i like having music in my life. i think creation keeps me sane.

Posted on May 7

how the fuck am i supposed to get antidepressants? please genuinely helpme

Posted on May 5

i made the tomodachi life apartments REAL!!!!!
if you wanna see it or be there, visit this:

View the apartments!

Posted on May 5

dear diary:
happy birthday to the i love you virus! that's all

april showers bring may.. showers
Posted on May 2

dear diary:
(bryan, if you've read this entry, i hope you're okay.)

anyways, happy May. i have just been super depressed lately! i don't know why. i want to stop therapy because i don't really like talking to my therapist and it hasn't helped me at all - i don't see how it COULD, we only meet once every two weeks.

also, i feel proud of my blog, recently. it's grown to the point (and i mean in post amount) that it's, uh.. really big. like a LOT of text. i don't plan to archive any posts, i'm just gonna have the site load slower and slower as the post count grows more and more. (also, there are AROUND 39 posts so far. doesn't seem like that many when i make it a number.)

Look at my stuff

April ───────────────────────────────────────────────────o

projects and loneliness, mostly
Posted on April 21st

dear diary:
feeling so-so once again. pretty depressed right now, which is weird because i'm in class, and that doesn't usually happen. i feel extremely lonely. just separated from everyone else. i don't connect to anyone here. other topic:
i don't feel good.

updates on projects: next STP is on hold until i figure out what i want to do with it, and how to write the music for it, and until i get a new computer. my next album is coming, it'll be a little different, but it'll be good. i have to re-compose each song again to sound coherent. there will be, most likely, SEVEN songs. two of them i've posted snippets of on my youtube already :)
i'm also working on two videos for sunday and monday:
Bones, very special, and Encore, releasing on the two-year anniversary of the song.

i'm going now

Posted on April 10th

dear diary:
hi! yesterday i got a new phone with DATA!!! finally i can Get Free Wifi Anywhere I Go
everyone else has had data for the longest time, so it's cool for me that i have that too.

super mario!
Posted on April 5th

dear diary:
hi! i saw the mario movie today with friends. it was kind of an impulse thing, i didn't think we'd go but i had the money and the theater was right there in the mall so.. we went. it was pretty good! they got the original voice of Mario in there too but i can't say anything 'cause nobody's watched it yet. excited to listen to this fucker's OST when it finally releases!

March ────────────────────────────────────────────────o

Posted on March 22

dear diary:
hi! i'm on spring break. i've been not very okay lately but i've been making a bit of music... so here's some for a project i might work on:


View on Vocaroo >>


View on Vocaroo >>

coffeebug intro jingle

View on Vocaroo >>

i've also got some concept art. i'm gonna share it instead of hoarding it for months!
ok bye i'm done

Posted on March 22

dear diary:

today at lunch i played mario kart home circuit in school. very fun to mess w/ people irl :)

how i make music
Posted on March 14

how's my music made?

firstly, i use FL Studio 21. most of my instruments are soundfonts! i don't use exactly the same ones each time, but the soundfonts i do use frequently are Undertale, Earthbound, Live HQ Natural Soundfont GM*, the Dore Yamaha piano**, and the windows Wavetable Synth GM soundfont. i also use FLEX a lot! their Rhodes E.Piano is in a lot of my stuff. other VSTs I use are NES VST and Magical 8bit Plugin***. i have a korg ek-50 as my main keyboard, and it has served me very well the past two years. somehow i haven't broken it yet. i'll add more to this section if i think of anything!

* I fucking love the drums.
** I have no idea where I got this soundfont. Sorry.
*** I use M8BP a lot more than NES VST now. island!
Posted on March 12

here is an island and pony tour! (click image to open) (fixed 4/13)

bug and her sister berry

berry's blueberry stand!

basically the whole island

their house!

more updates, sigh
Posted on March 11

dear diary:
hi! i updated the music player with new music! i also updated the sidebar (i like it looking like i'm a free user on some ancient blog site.)

thoughts: 7:39 am
Posted on March 9

dear diary:
hi! i called a water fountain a "water bottle feeder" today. unrelated: i like how crypto shit is crumbling. it's very hard to manage :)
dogulas the rat is here

am i ready to start the emo girl phase of laying in my bed, listening to music through broken airpods...?

thoughts: 10:38 am
Posted on March 6

dear diary:
hi! my birthday was yesterday, it was the best day of this year and the best for a while. i went to the mall with friends, equipped with $200, and spent a LOT of money at hot topic. it was really fun, i wanna spend the rest of my birthday money at the mall soon, and get some new clothes for myself! i really need some new ones.
i got splatoon 3, mario maker 2, and SM3DW, and playing mario maker has kind of inspired me to make more SMBX2 stuff - but maybe not? this is so much easier.. i'll share some levels when i get home.

thoughts: 9:24 am
Posted on March 2

dear diary:
the excitement of my birthday is keeping me going strong. also, stardew valley. i've been playing it a LOT recently.
(side note: i have the pac-man back bling (clyde) in fortnite, and i think he is adorable. i'm excited for the new season in about a week!)

Feburary ────────────────────────────────────────────────o

thoughts: 8:32 am
Posted on Feburary 27

dear diary:
the neocities reached 100k views today. that's cool
life is still not favourable, though it is okay. i suppose.

my birthday is in one week. i am excited

feburary 28 thoughts:

thoughts: 2 am
Posted on Feburary 26

dear diary:
i've been playing a lot of minecraft and fortnite lately i have also been sad lately i hate this life

i played a lot of games today
Posted on Feburary 19

dear diary:
OFF was a journey.. i streamed it the whole time, and it was great. the ending, though sad, was reasonable given the lore..
i have to compliment the map design, characters, and music!! (also i just like the Elsen(s?) )

papers, please, however... very different.
it has a vibe unlike any other game i've played, and i hope that's saying something. it was enjoyable reading the wiki as i played it, and i recommend playing it on PHONE for once, because it's just easier.
also, i got two fortnite solo wins today, so that's something. night.

stream of thoughts
Posted on Feburary 14

dear diary:
i feel like one neocities website should be called a "neocity".
garfield should be a community run comic, imo. it'd be cool if you could submit comics. it'd also be cool if garfield did a form break again
also, i don't like the new artstyle

oni update
Posted on Feburary 13

dear diary:
hi! i've been thinking about doing something with Oni (my youtube PFP). they're really cool. i think there's a picture of them on my stuff page if you're interested.
also, i'm updating the site. i wanna put a little more emphasis on the sidebar
surprisingly, nobody's commented on me using FNAF OCs on the top of my page.

the disney's new groove
Posted on Feburary 10

dear blog:
headlines recently - "toy story 5, frozen 3, zootopia 2 confirmed!!" i don't think disney outright confirmed toy story 5 - the story is done! frozen MAYBE has some potential, but i'm most excited for zootopia. the world does have a lot going on, and another adventure with Small Rabbit and Weirdly Shaped Dog would be fun.

i know toy story 5 isn't explicitly confirmed -- it could be a spin-off. from Iger himself: "And today, I'm so pleased to announce that we have sequels in the works from our animation studios to some of our most popular franchises: Toy Story, Frozen, and Zootopia." this doesn't super duper confirm toy story 5, but could be interpreted as a spin-off -- or maybe that's just wishful thinking from someone who doesn't want a toy story 5. i don't know. see ya.

Posted on Feburary 9

dear diary:
i've felt very gender and body dysphoric lately. i hate myself a lot more than i should.

edit: i really wanna make k.k. robot synth into a more vocaloid-sounding song. link i need to look at later: (reddit link that, anticlimatically, contained literally nothing.)

wonder girl
Posted on Feburary 4

dear diary:
i've been playing wonder boy: the dragon's trap a lot lately!! it's a VERY fun game and it looks absolutely BEAUTIFUL -- it also plays very nicely. it's a great action adventure platformer where you can change forms and solve puzzles realted to your forms - and fight enemies and the boss are all kinda hot dragons? yes please
anyways, it's really good. :3

also, look at my featured song for another STP preview

groundhog day
Posted on Feburary 2

dear diary:
okay, campers, rise and shine, and don't forget your booties cause it's coooold out there today
today is groundhog day. nothing much has been happening lately but i did finish a new commission ^_^

January ────────────────────────────────────────────────o

Posted on January 29

dear diary:
the new STP game is coming along nice. it looks great.
[Broken link. It was a "LIVE TUCKER REACTION" meme replaced with Mario.]
here's a preview of the OST:
[Broken link. It was a song from STPR. Probably the old version of Purple Forest.]
apart from STP, i've not been good lately. angry and depressed, but i don't really want to talk about that right now. until later

Posted on January 24

dear diary:
i think Super Terrible Project will be returning soon.

weekend went ok
Posted on January 17

dear diary:
my mental health has been so-so and fluctating lately. i think i'm okay right now, though. i posted some ear-chocolate new music on my tumblr blog, for my new EP.

Posted on January 12

dear all:
i made a webring for weird and obscure video games! go to this page to join it and view the info

Posted on January 11

dear diary:
is there anything special about today? idk
will try to get new music out later today ig

Posted on January 10

dear diary:
i run the lgbtq+ club at school.. once great with three co-owners, now it is just me, and the life is drained from the club as only 3 people show up every week. i am losing energy and faith in it.
really... i'm losing faith in myself, a bit. i'm exhausted, i can't manage creating music anymore. notice how i haven't uploaded a song in like two weeks? it's not from lack of trying. do i need a break, or do i need a change in my life? do i need happiness to create? do i need purpose, fulfillment? i don't know.
with every passing day, my question grows louder: does anyone care about me?

Posted on January 8?

dear website:
you can now play super terrible project (and hh) in your browser. :)

Posted on January 6

dear website:
i re-wrote my commission info. please check it out if you want to spend 10-15 bucks on okay music. :)

harry potter
Posted on January 6

dear diary:
i finally finished the harry potter series today, and despite the creator's shit stance on most things, i gotta say that it was the best book series i've ever read. lore introduced at a pace easy to understand, characters i loved, and a wonderful world. 10/10 to the books, -3/10 to j.k. rowling for being a terf bitch.

update 1
Posted on January 5

dear diary:
the stuff and music pages have been added, but music is WIP for now.
edit 1: the OpenDyslexic font toggle is back

no friends
Posted on January 4

dear diary:
my yearbook class makes me very anxious.
i don't really have any friends at this school. i have peers, i have people who know who i am, but in terms of someone i talk to every day, share interests with, hang out with... no-one. i used to have two best friends here, but one graduated and one moved. i have nobody to talk to. i keep to myself.
and it's hell, y'know? i'm not a quiet person. i am talkative. i just happen to have that combo'd with stupid social anxiety, i can't talk to people, and i am afraid of trying to. it's impossible.
so i write out my thoughts for someone to read. it's good to get them out. i just hope things can change -- they'll have to, or i'll continue slowly dying by myself.

Posted on January 3

dear diary:
new semester of school just started. i'll update this post as it happens.
i run the school gay club, we got our tshirt orders today (pic later).
i'm looking through my explosion game update concepts from last march. i called it the "forest update". i am thinking of merging "explosion hill 2008" with it.

Posted on January 1

dear everyone:
my 2023 goals are as follows:

- make and release an EP
- release some kind of continuation to STP
- get more goth clothes
- hang out with people more
- learn to like myself

December 2022 ───────────────────────────────────────────o

Posted on December 31

dear everyone:
as you may have noticed, i'm redoing my website! i got bored of it.
this is the first version of the site to FINALLY use a style.css page, and the code is a lot cleaner than before, mostly because now i've learned a lot about HTML.
i really like this blog-central design, small text, very nice colors, etc, and i really like the 'night' feel it's got (i didnt even plan that.)

it's not done yet! tomorrow i'll finish up decoration, buttons, and the other pages. in the meantime, you can view the old page here.

Posted on December 30

dear diary:

i uploaded my final video of 2022. next year teases another project trailer. :)

Posted on December 28

dear diary:
i got art block! that's fun.
anyways i got sick of my GM soundfonts for some reason.. but, i got some new realistic-sounding sf2s and they sound really good! i made three songs with them and they're gonna be up on my youtube soon, they're up on my tumblr. i will be posting my music on tumblr FIRST from now on.
forgot to add: i got a new Switch for christmas and i've been addicted to Animal Crossing for the past few days. if i can visit your island please dm me on discord

Posted on December 18

dear diary:
i think i need to fix the fonts on this page lol
anyways, i made a soundfont! it's a collection of instruments i use frequently / just like :)

blog time. i am going to the mall with friends on the 23rd, that's pretty cool and i want to . i plan to get my computer fixed sometime next year, so then i can finally do cool shit again (explosion game update.)

12/21 update!
hi! i reset my computer so i can use it better, and i can actually work on things now!
super terrible project 2 is cancelled, and i'm figuring out what to do with it. there will probably be a third installment.
kaia's explosion game got updated! i fixed most of the badges, added a bit new stuff, i plan to add more later! i want to expand the empty hill to the right of the coffee shop, expand the entire area into one big box area, and add to the forest... but that's not all, haha.
i want to add crossroads-esque buildings on the hill, make it taller, bigger, etc etc. the builds can be explored and blown up, and there will be npcs to attack there. i will also add lore. i will ALSO ALSO be expanding the main building! i want to add offices, cubicles, bedrooms, a bathroom (looking exactly like the one in spamton mcdonalds 2), and more. that's all i have planned.
lastly, i gave spamton mcdonalds 2 a new trailer today! it's fun, and i love it. i hope it gets people into the game.

This is the beginning of coffeebug's posts.