()))
dear bugsters:
coffeebug's year in review for 2023:
thank you!
here is every blog this year, mapped out (svg):
THANK YOU SOLITARYGIRL AND OCEAN FOR BUYING MIDIFREAK
dear bugsters:
haunted sticky notes releases on january 11th.
- 21 songs. 53 minutes.
- $11.11 USD.
- will premiere for free on youtube,
will also be on bandcamp (buy it there) and soundcloud and maybe spotify if i feel like it. - Janurary 11, 2024.
- Comes with EIGHT bonus songs
- A blog post for each main song explaining a story and
a PDF on my notes for each songs alongside it. - Orders before March 5th (my birthday) will get MIDIfreak for free alongside it
dear bugsters:
sup?
christmas went great! i got basically everything i wanted (new computer soon) and tomorrow i get to go to the mall with people i like and spend more money. i've been working on the secret project and hsn and today i'm also gonna uplad midifreak to soundcloud! just more promotion. jndkfndkjsf
midifreak on soundcloud
i also updated midifreak to fix forest 04 and remove free track purchase
dear bugsters:
hi! mouth tastes like blood
today i will be finishing up my exams, and then i'll have the weekend to relax before christmas on monday. i'm excited, i'm getting a new computer sometime after it, and i really really hope i don't fuck it up.
anyways, the secret project is going a little slow - but that's probably because i was busy. i was also working on HSN, and i have to say the album openingis really pretty now - is has this big beautiful harmony of midi instruments before the new instruments intoduce themselves along with the main motif, and i think it's really pretty. it feels like midifreak welcoming hsn to the stage, yknow? i'm really proud of the album, given that i've only had a little under three months working on it.
so that's going ok! i don't know when the secret project will be ready, but it'll come with its own OST album and itch.io page, and all of the money i make from it will be split 50/50 with germpills. or more to them, i don't really know, but i don't want to take anything more than 50%, because they made the main character and also made art for it.
anyways, christmas! i'm gonna get mario rpg and wonder, and i'm excited for both games!! i'm more excited for rpg, though. i was really hyped for Wonder and i'm sure it's great but honestly i don't super care that much about it anymore. i'm excited for rpg 'cause of the soundtrack, mostly- i played the original for a bit, got stuck, quit it, but i liked it! i want to try the new one, because i think it'll be like a new Paper game. SPEAKING OF THAT, i know i'm really excited to try thousand-year door, because it looks and sounds really good! i know nobody expected it because nintendo doesn't really care about the Paper series that much any more, but i guess maybe they could? i just wish they could remaster 64 or Super, because SPM is one of my top favorite games (even not having finished it yet), but i heard they're "ashamed" of it so i guess that's never happening.
anyways, i don't really have anything else to talk about. see you later.
dear bugsters:
promotion:
if you promote my website or music on your website, contact me (midifreak on discord) and i'll give you midifreak/hsn for free, depending on which you promote.
i'm doing this because i haven't had any bandcamp sales in over two months :(
dear bugsters:
sup?
worked on that secret project a little more this morning, i think i really like making rooms. especially when drawing things is easy as hell. anyways, hsn is worrying me a lot, 'cause i definitely need more time on it, but i already said 1/11, so it'll be out then, i guess. anyways! secret project has basically keeping me afloat because it's fun to work on (i'm exaggerating a LITTLE.. not by much tho) and so is the promise of christmas and its break. exams are this week, which is cool. notttt fun.
idk how big next year's site redesign is gonna be, but i have some ideas for it. stuff like building blocks being my social links and my blog posts being separated into categories.. something like that...
thanks webcatz for the nice comment on my site. see you guys later
vent
dear diary:
i'm extremely worried about myself and transitioning. if you've transitioned (and maybe live in Michigan) can you please dm me? my discord is midifreak... i need help with all of it. where to buy from, the cost, the pills, what estradiol is... how to voice train... i need to learn all of this stuff.
sometimes i wish i wasn't trans, because it's so fucking hard. it's just this endless cycle of self loathing, hatred, this deep, eternal desire to change... but i don't know how to start, and i don't have very much money. i know it'll probably all work out in the end but ... i hate myself right NOW, and i don't know how to cope with it, because everyone else i know is either doing fine, isn't trans, or doesn't know how to help me. i lost most of the people i could talk to about this stuff a while ago. these last few months have been the lonliest of my life. it's all too much...
spill all of your thoughts and feelings into a diary that nobody will care about, and everybody will see.
(why make a public vent post, you might ask? am i advertising my depression? i hope not. i want to record my thoughts to read over them later, and especially with these types of posts, i want to indirectly tell the people i care about what i'm thinking, because usually after they read these they ask how i'm doing and it's nice to have someone care about you.)
dear bugsters:
new site updates i want:
- organize blog posts into boxes, one per every three months of posts. doing this would make the iframe go away, and it would make my code a bit more efficient.
- load up the mp3 player with a custom skin and all of my best songs, including all of midifreak, some good ones out of STPR, and some favorites (then sen the current music player to a different page)
- somehow organize all my social media links in a much better way
- have the navbar be an iframe so i can edit it on every page at the same time
- more fun graphics and stuff!
dear bugsters:
hi here's me (the coffeebug) but made with various picrews
(click on image for the picrew)
potatolord, pepperjackets, crowwithapen, makowka
edit 12/14: it's over 9000!
edit 2: huge music player update
dear bugsters:
three years ago i made the website! i was a different name, though.
in order from left to right, the characters in the header are:
Mario (STP1), Bomber (Kirby's Adventure), Luigi (SMA4), Slush, Tofu, Quetzal, Sonnette, and Orbguy (Manyland)
also, green guy's in the header twice?
dear bugsters:
hi! so this weekend i started working on a secret project that's actually going really well. i put a lot of spoilers for it in the neocities discord, though. so it's not super secret. anyways EXAMS are soon, next week, and after that is christmas ^_^ and new year's, which is always exciting, because that means i get to update my bucket list again. speaking of that, my bucket list now has a "quests" section for silly goals. that's all i really have to talk about, i guess... HSN comes out in one month. hopefully
dear bugsters:
i wanna talk about the website.
firstly, /bucket-list is still infrequently updated. it'll be updated at the end of the year, too, probably with a reflection on how i did this year, and then new goals for 2024. i'm excited for next year, i think it could be better... at least different.
second, /stuff. i updated it to just be a little cleaner. it has some new favicons that i'm letting everyone use, and it still has my custom divs, art, soundfonts, all my junk that doesn't fit into a page.
third, /music. i still update that page to have the latest on commission information, despite the fact that i haven't had a commission in over half a year. shoutout to cosmicpostman for being amazing
fourth.... hmmm... this page! next year i want to make it less.. messy, i guess? there's a LOT of links on the sidebar. i don't know.
fifth, /tomodachi. i still gotta make the new apartment pixel art, then i can finally update it.. i'll probably stop after 100. right now, i believe, there are 47? i'm not sure. i'm glad you guys like it though!
bye
i made a discord server for people on neocities. kind of like a worse yesterweb? join here?
(if you wanted to know, album previews are there!!!)
dear diary:
today is the 4th of december. i think the month is passing by quickly already (ha!),. maybe. i dont really know... i guess that was just the weekend passing by, i guess? that's gotta be it. anyways, hsn is going along nice, although i'm a little worried about only having a month to work on it. i think i'll be able to get a solid amount of work done on winter break, although it also feels weird to place the hope of releasing on time on something that i dont even know will help. (this is why i never have deadlines, by the way.) WHY am i releasing it on 1/11? well, it used to be connected to at least four websites, part of this little story i'm crafting... now just two. but it's alright. i just wrote the name of the blog and i have no idea where i came from. anyways, the album is looking great, though the vocal songs are what i'm REALLY worried about because songwriting takes a long time. if you want any info, please look at november 27th's post and that has more info about everything.
dear diary:
today is the first of december, which means christmas is upon us! CHRISTMAS TIME LETS FUCKING GO!!!!!!!! LETS FUCKING GOOO!!!!!!!!!!! ANYWAYS!!!! today we played music in front of a bunch of elementary schoolers. anyways, i don't have a whole lot of time to finish my album, only about a month left to create new material, then it's gonna all be polished and stuff in january.
personally, i'm very very munch ready for this year to be over- it was an absolute shitshow and i changed a lot and i know it was okay sometimes but honestly the last two months have been some of the worst honestly. anyways, i don't really have anything else to write except that, like, my body has been sick and hurting all week.
see you later.
discount code for 40% off my bandcamp: MIDIFREAK2COMINGSOON (exp 1/1/24)
November
()))
dear diary:
the world is so beautiful and yet so unrelentlessly mean
if i ever get namecheap to work right, i want to have music.midifreak.online lead to a selection of my best songs, and i want tomodachi.midifreak.online to be the apartments' page. something like that. maybe even stpr.midifreak.online. possiblities are endless
anyways life is currently ... fine... i guess.. idk. im just waiting for christmas nd the next time i get paid. im BORED. life is so.. stagnant? its not changing quick enough i guess which is important because i am in a bad spot. idk. im literally rambling because im running off of not much sleep and 0 food im so fucking hungry. sorry, ill edit this later.
dear diary:
hello! i looked at a bunch of poll results so my album will probably be $12. if you want to pay more. you can. if you actually buy it i'm putting bonuses in it. the main thing is there's a whole-ass PDF with a LOT of notes on each song, there'll be extras and bonus songs and everything.. i wanna make it worth it, even if a whole lot of songs is already worth it. you'll also be featured in a little section of my website next year. anyways!
i've been coding and drawing the next site update - i think it needs work so far but it'll probably look good in time for 2024. i don't know if i'll do a COMPLETE site redo next year, but i'm definitely not going to do it *now* - i don't feel like it. STPR is still on hold because i don't want to work on it, and HSN is very slowly being put together to make it really, really good. i don't know if i can get it out 1/11 but maybe i will be able to. by the way, i was on thanksgiving break. ...i played a lot of modded stardew valley, i modded it with Expanded and now everyone is a furry and honestly it's great. i spent most of my break doing absolutely nothing. i was resting.. i guess.
edit:
i've been wondering today about this future of this website. i want the code for the blog posts to work forever, i want to be able to read them in a few years. i'll probably end up updating once a month but have super long updates or something like that. i feel like i'm gonna throw up. i currently have almost 600k views on Neocities and i wonder how many people actually look at these posts? i wonder how many people regularly read them. probably not many, right? who knows. i'll never grasp the weight of posting something to the internet because who actually knows who's reading this? dear viewer once you stop reading this i will disappear in your mind's eye forever unless i make an imprint on you. and then i'll still die, still disappear. who knows what you're thinking? who knows if you're even here?
maybe i should become a songwriter or something. lol
edit 2:
to recap, here's the info about HSN.
- 20ish songs. Over half an hour runtime
- $12 USD.
- Should come out early 2024.
- Comes with bonus songs, notes on each song, extras.
- Orders above $12 will get MIDIfreak for free alongside it
- If it releases on 1/11 it'll be $11.11 for a month or two,
- and orders in the first week will have a special bonus item
that's basically it
dear diary:
update on my new album, h?????? s????? n????,
it's coming along nicely! i'll probably get the songs mostly finished over december. i can promise a 2024 release date. in the first quarter of the year. i'm thinking if i get everything done earlier than i expect, then it can come out... 1/11? i don't want to stick to the first-day-of-the-year tradition because that's new years' day, and 2/1 is STP2's birthday, so.
let me say there's a LOT of text in the album. each song has a description written like a diary entry, and each song also will have notes associated with it if you buy the album. it'll be $5 on release and include bonus pictures, 2-3 or more bonus songs, i'm half-planning to cover intrusion as a bonus. i don't wanna make it free (on bandcamp) because i'm spending way too much time on this to make it free. but i'll still obviously have a youtube version of the album up. i want everyone to listen to it. i've uploaded a couple song previews, mostly on my discord (which has a couple entire songs from the album),
and musically, i think i'm pushing myself to create something that'd be worthy of calling it better than MIDIfreak.
edit 11/23:
the album will MOST LIKELY be $12. most people i asked said they'd pay 15, my discord said like 10, so its .. in the middlde?
dear diary:
this weekend i had friends over on saturday, and sunday was basically just spent recovering from it. saturday was pretty awesome - played video games, made an entire board game, went on the trampoline at night, played night at the museum in my backyard. pretty cool. so now i'm back in class. i'm really hungry right now. i kind of want to make a real board game or a book one day. i wanted to make a book out of every blog post from this year but i'm realizing right now that it probably just matters to me and also there's no story it's just my life. i've been working on the 2024 theme, and i think it looks good, but it probably won't be too different than usual. go listen to the CIA - glass beach.
edit: the super mario RPG remake ost is SO FUCKING GOOD. The Road Is Full Of Dangers is actually making me tear up wtf
dear diary:
live from world 6!
help im trapped in t he header
it's spooky month!
akfdjasfjhyasnifuamusdoial
you are rose.
happy new year 1987!
still cleaning up the viruses that you had left
i'm the antonymph of the internet...
i try to call you every day, what can i say -- when the truth comes out?
still cleaning up the viruses that you had left
i know sometimes love gets hard to find, in a flyover state, that's just a state of mind
dear diary:
if you actually read these you should tell me i have no idea who does
i think im going to be very busy this year. i am starting a second club, i run both. prob makes my resume look cooler tbh
dear diary:
hello... today i'm tired, as usual, i'm just sitting here bored in my first period waiting to do something, because i have to watch our school's god awful news. they try, but i feel like they just waste everyone's time and embarrass themselves in front of everyone. but they obviously don't think that, because they keep doing it.
anyways, i'm making the second episode of a show i've been making with my friends. it's not good, and i'm not linking it here, but i like making it because everyone gets to watch my stupid jokes about crap we did. anyways, my back hurts like a motherfucker,
apart from everything else! my new album is going nicely, i got new plugins that are really good, they're used in the one about the storm. stpr is on indefinite hiatus because, well, i just don't want to work on it right now it kinda makes me want to barf.
see you later.
edit: HOLY FUCK GARFIELD MOVIE TRAILER!!!!!
dear diary:
today i'm not doing good at all. i woke up and got ready as usual but for some reason i just have this looming gender dysphoria over me today. i just feel horrible, i haven't spoken a word all morning, i don't want to hear myself talk, and usually i can get by fine anyways without talking, at least probably until 3rd hour. so i'm just kind of here, ready to crumble in my own world, as fragile as a blade of grass that's also on fire.
see you later
dear diary:
this weekend i had state finals, and it felt like a complete NIGHTMARE. our local Dumbass was being stupid so we didn't have the computer we needed - this meant we didn't have a synth. we were able to use a different one so i could quickly recreate the show's patches on it but our voicelines were messed up and everything just. went wrong. anyways, that entire, like, 24 hours was just the dumbest shit i've ever done, and my body still hurts from it. it's been two days.
i haven't been working on STPR. i worked a little bit on the new album though. but i haven't had motivation to do anything recently,and i don't today. i just don't want to. i've been playing video games alot. just trying to rest but i can't, really. at least i haven't had any huge depressive episodes. i am kinda lonely though, physical affection eludes me constantly. it does a lot of people. it's ok.
bye.
dear diary:
last night it snowed pretty hard and i went trick-or-treating anyways and onw i have a rawer fully of candy. worth it. i'll probably write more later, but this is all i have to talk about for now.
edit: i spent like an hour updating to tomodachi apartment webring. i added, i think, 20 new people? here they are: trinityexe, sunwukong, welcometolaplace, transrats, fulvern, caitsith, key404, silvervine16, zonks27, dropandspindash, virtuagirl, butt0n-z, pixelfishkitty, spettri, followthewhiterabbit, chronodove, heirofslime, madeinv, jojjo, and philia995.
edit 2: god, i feel like SHIT again. i want to live but i don't know how to deal with the pain of living, and it makes me want to stop
October
()))
dear diary:
tomorrow is halloween! i'm dressing up as twilight sparkle. if i feel like it i'll (gasp!) post a picture of my outfit here. i'm getting slowly more confident in myself so maybe. anyways,
last night i saw FNAF with my friends, and it was really good! movie spoilers:
that was on sunday. on saturday, our band went to, like, semifinals or something? there were 12 bands that showed up there. we were in the bottom two last week, so we were in danger of not going to state finals, because the bottom two wouldn't go. our band is probably the smallest in our flight and nobody thought we'd get to go to state, but we ended up placing higher than we thought, in the top 10, and everyone cheered so loudly when we heard that and my throat hurt and i'd never seen everyone is super high spirits like that before. so this week we're going to state finals with our small band, and i swear to god we're gonna sound amazing. i play synth, i do voice lines, i switch patches the whole time, i think my part makes everything sound amazing (especially with the strings!). ..anyways, after this week my legs are going to turn into a fine powder. just mush. but it's ok! i'm actually really enjoying band this year so far and i'm excited we get one more week to perfect it all.
anyways, tomorrow i'm going to my friend's house for halloween.
about projects and stuff: i am looking for people to help develop STPR. if you have skills in spriting, writing, or SMBX, please contact me! i'm looking for people to help look over my story and playtesters and maybe someone to make extra levels. or make my levels longer. i know i have a problem with making really short levels. anyways, bye, thank you for listening.
dear diary:
isn't the world so fucking beautiful?
like, i really like going on video game wikis and finding all the little secrets and watching ideos to see all the details and easter eggs of them... i want to apply this to real life. i wanna see all i can. i want to learn about nature. i want to learn all of life's intricacies, i want to learn everything i can about the world because it's so beautiful and there's so much to know about...
i really hope the world isnt so much more fucked up by the time i have to do things. like get a job. which i do not have. except for commissions, but sadly i haven't had one in, like, over a year?? like i'm a lot better now but somehow i still dont have any? i still have cosmic's music to do but he has to not pay me for a bit (i understand) but still i have nothing to do. it isnt so much the money but i guess more the, like, feeling of mattering? i don't know. i haven't felt like i've mattered to anything in a while... i've felt lonely and hopeless the past month, i have good reason to feel like that.
tomorrow i have another band comp (could be our last) and sunday i'm gonna see FNAF with friends.
and, hey, if you read the more sensitive part of this blog, can you tell me if you did? i remember someone commented on something i wrote on this blog once in my discord dms and it really meant a lot to me..
edit: for some reason, April is the only month to write "April 21st" instead of "April 21"
dear diary:
my weekend was pretty.. ok. we had a band comp on saturday and it went fine. i did cry once. on friday and sunday i worked on the new bomb girl video. yes, there are secrets in it. they're not very hidden, but that's on purpose.
i'm going to try and connect all the stories together. i will use everything.
weird thing, though: i keep seeing this weird symbol. it's a red eye (like an eye outline) with five lines sticking out from the bottom (paced evenly, like eyelashes) and with an X in the middle where the pupil would be..
dear diary:
hey. im super tired but at least i get out early today. yesterday i had friends over, that was pretty cool
cant believe i have to completely avoid mario wonder until i can gt my hands on it (maybe next month?)
ive been thinking about college a lot lately for some reason. whatever
thinking about STPR (i havent been working on it that much) and also the new coffeebug video and also also the new album that i let my friends see yesterday, they said i was good at music i guess i could be
also, they made a song on my computer. it is not good (they know) and i will post it
dear diary:
on saturday we had a band thing and it sucked lol
we spent all day doing the thing just for the speaker system to not work and we got last place. great. not our best attempt
on another note, developing STPR has been great! i've been working on world 2 (see below) and probably working on the secret w...
dear diary:
last night i animated my new.. "sona", for a little video about my commissions. i think it turned out good! i drew her in google slides and edited the frames in aseprite so it all looks nice
its been raining a lot more recently! i like the rain, and i love autumn, but i am scared that the rain will turn to snow in about a month. at least i can enjoy it for now, i suppose.
i've started working on stpr's 2nd world, also. i'm using a tileset i found off of spriter's resource because it looked better than the grass i tried to draw, but ill probably draw some grass tiles on top anyways. im excited to work on it and show everyone because i think at least someone is excited for more of stpr. i hope. i hope you guys like it
below: the bomb animation
ok... bye.
addendum: i really hope i live. intrusive thoughts have been swarming my mind a LOT recently. i rally want to live, but it hurts to. and i . feel very. alone.
so cold
dear diary:
shopping list:
- I've been stuck inside for ages.
- Firstly.. I think something's following me, and I think it's her.
- What do you do when you're being followed by paranormal sticky notes?
- Ahh.. I wish I was a bug. I could eat leaves and junk all day and nobody would mind.
- You do NOT know how excited and very, very confused this makes me.
dear diary:
SUPER TERRIBLE PROJECT: REVENGE IS GOING NICELY!!!
i am the only person working on it, so please excuse delays or waits.
the first patch, v1.1, comes out soon - later today maybe?
it'll include a long-lost friend, and some updates to the game to make it more awesome.
as for world 2, it's work in progress! i don't have any sprites done, but i have music for the town, the levels, and a song from Oxymoron* is coming back! yay!
*if you stuck around long enough to remember Project: Oxymoron, i want to give you a thousand hugs.
apart from that, an old character from STP2 that never got to be seen is coming back, redesigned, and with them, is another song i've made before - something from bugpony, maybe?
Saloon (Project: Oxymoron) - Super Terrible Project: Revenge (work in progress)
Version 1.1 of Super Terrible Project: Revenge is out
dear diary:
on a day like today i would think that i didnt matter and then i would believe it
i foeel horrible mentally and physically, and i want to do nothing more than be at home, next to the open window, resting
i might do that.
i'm proud of myself for having survived, but i want to throw up, i feel like i should be dead
should i be dead? i feel so.. alone
i don't really have a good reason to stay alive right now, and i definitely need one
dear diary:
never mind
yesterday i got the first proper review for STPR at it was really positive!!! so now i feel a lot more motivated to keep going with it. i'm working on patch 1.1 right now, it's gonna change some old junk and fix the problems with it, and then i'll start working on demo 2, which will include world 2, the old forest. it's gonna! be! good! i know it! and i'm gonna try to FINISH IT!!! unlike stp2. lol.
anyways, today's gimmick is an EasyShare C180 i found in my room and put batteries in. it's kind of trash, but i find it hilarous that i take take 2010 (2008?) quality video now, so there's that. i feel good today.
until next time
dear diary:
last night i survived the worst panic attack / mental breakdown of my life. (i want to say "by far" but honestly i don't know if that's true.) so anyways, i've been doing horrible lately. what do i live for? i don't know, music? i can't talk to music, though, it's not a tangible thing. i don't know what to do with myself. i guess i could work on stpr or something. i don't know, i feel like i lost all motivation to do everything. i feel so.. lost and empty, i guess.. it hurts, you know?
on an unrelated note, i hate motivational poets.
September
()))
dear diary:
so, this week's been super busy and still not very good. in terms of projects, i haven't done anything to STPR, but i rpobably should, i have a last-minute change i want to make before i get it out on sunday. i've been thinking about a 4th (5th?) album, basically "midifreak 2", though it won't be that, probably. i kind of wanted to do something with a story, where each song is part of a story and you read through the songs as you listen - like fish whisperer. love that album. it sounds fun, right? i hope it will be, and i hope i can make it come out by the end of the year. probably not, though, because albums take a lot of time to create... especially MIDIfreak, because i did a lot of editing and testing it and junk, because i actually tried on it, unlike bugpony. anyways! homecoming game tonight, i have to do shit with Band again.. i don't want to do it, but i know just like every other day that in 12 hours i'll be asleep, all comfy in my bed again, and it'll be over. tomorrow's homecoming, and i'm going with my friend izzy, and we're going with our friends bryan and kayde, which will be fun! i went to the park and store yesterday w/ izzy and bryan and it was really fun, i hope i get to do that again. i liked walking around with them. speaking of my friends, i made a show with them, like a parody of the office and family guy, that everyone's seeming pretty eager to film more of - next episode is about "evil bible club" and that'll be pretty fun to create, i think! i'm not posting the episode here, because i don't want you to see my face yet. or my voice. sorry, not sorry x3
anyways, talk to you later, diary
dear diary:
im so so so so tired.... i woke up super late today.. worse, i still feel mostly bad. not good. i bet i probably look terrible too.. i feel like my guts are all weird.
waiting for saturday (homecoming) and sunday (stpr). then itll all be ok, maybe.....
ah, what i would give to feel like a girl
thanks
edit: i found two cookies in my bag i had forgotten about, and i feel much better now
dear diary:
the past three days have been, in a word, horrible. friday was just plainly a bad day, i wrote a vent post about it (but it's gone for a bit because i expect traffic from STPR) - anyways, the weekend was, also, bad. i'm not saying what happened because it pains me to think about. still. but it's been eating away inside me and it's not going away. so. thats great. i feel like shit and i cant do much about it. great.
i'm just a girl, you know? should i be hurting this bad? i dunno. sorry.
until next time
dear all:
dear diary:
i'm doing good today, like, actually good! :)
i created another blog for my friend, babybellcheese, and i might do ANOTHER blog (this time for money), which is cool because creating an easy-to-update blog isn't very hard, although the updating part kind of is, unless you do actually know html. anyways! stpr is DONE, i have to finish marketing and the page and everything, and it'll be out this october, and hopefully it'll even be in the smbx direct! how cool would that be? Very.
anyways, bye! (this is blog post number 43)
dear diary:
writing this to say i'm ok! i'm fine! i talked about the last post's contents with friends... no conclusion yet, obviously, but they helped me in clearing my mind a bit. (the night i wrote that post was one of the worst episodes i've had in the last year.)
anyways, lately ive been rereading harry potter again, ive not really been working on stpr lately because i don't want to. i've been making an "episode" of a show lately - but it's just band, it's made of stupid clips and skits from the things we do, and it's pretty good so far. i don't think i can post it publicly, but i can talk about it.
i don't really have anything else to talk about, though. except for my friend asking me to make her a blog - i'm going to homecoming with her as friends - i'm waiting on her to reply to an email so i can start working on her blog, it should only take a day to create.
ok, bye, thank you
reminder to check out https://www.windows93.net/
vent
dear diary:
i want to be right.. i want to feel right.. like myself.. will it ever happen..?
i'm sick of waiting to feel like a girl. i just want it to happen.. sigh. at least some things help the feeling.
gender dysphoria has been acting up recently, i don't really know why. maybe it's my clothing choice. i wanna make my hair straight and long and wear big circular glasses and be the quiet shy girl with a big blue hoodie.. that sounds nice, honestly
happy birthday, undertale
dear diary:
today i woke up the cold morning air.. as i felt it on my skin, i was reminded of winter. the memories of snow, the changing leaves, of christmas.. i like winter enough, except that the last two have been terrible for my mental health.. but! i think i might be able to fix that this year? i have enough projects to distract myself this time, i think maybe, but i might also have enough friends tthis time to stay happy, maybe..? i need to stay happy during winter.
i think i want to cry. but it's kind of hard to. i don't know, i feel notably melancholic right now, and i'm not super sure why? i think it could be because i know winter is coming here soon, and i'm not ready for it. -- especially since, i just remembered, i think october is super cold? i remember a particular band practice last year where my entire body was as cold as it'd ever been -- and i know it was before state finals, meaning it was super early november or a very specifically cold night in october.. i hope i'll be warm this time, you know?
anyways.. the anniversary of my blog is in december. thank you for following my journey, even if you haven't read every single entry. i don't think anyone has.
until next time.
dear diary:
hi! lately i've been into getting into drawing in google slides lately (see below). it's fun, it's a pretty good svg art program, even if it definitely wasn't meant for that. it's fun.
anyways, my weekend was pretty.. boring? i dont know i feel like it passed way quicker than usual this time.. its weird... i made music, played terraria a lot, worked on STPR. it's getting close to being finished - it was finished, almost, but i have a really good playtester who gave me lots of good notes, so i'm reworking things to fit said notes. i don't have a whole lot of time to complete them.. but i think i can!
anyways... i'm sleepy. i've also been feelings pretty emotional lately. i don't know why, though. more moody, angry, sad.. etc.. i don't like it, but i don't know how to change.. whatever.
see you later..!
dear diary:
happy autumn!
the site is now red. duh. it's ALSO mobile friendly, i think! i made the left sidebar disappear when you get under a certain page width and replaced that with just the important parts showing up above the blogs. planning to cover more things this month too, except actually maybe not now that i think about it, because i need to get STPR FINISHED this month. it needs to come out by 10/1. i thought it was done, but i have a really good playtester who gave me lots of feedback yesterday, so i'll be working on that later. anyways bye
MOBILE SUPPORT ADDED! there's now an icon and a default name (mainly works on iOS should work on Android?) if you add the website to your homepage via Safari. also fixing mobile issues!
dear diary:
i'm currently at a sleepover at my friend izzy's house w/ bryan and kathryn - its fun, we finished Spree, i love it i cant believe its a real movie
um, i got a MCR cd and A fidget spinner and some clothes i think maybe im nor sure. hoping i dont throw up this time ik i did last time.
im gonna let them type:
I HAVE A FAT FAT FAT .... - Kathryn
hi i'm super cool and nice and the best friend in the world - Izzy :)
Hey its me bryan brooke has mentioned me a bit anyways they let me do some stuff on here and i just wanted to say that they are a big nerd buh bye - Bryan
ok bye blog love u
August
()))
Dear Diary:
Yesterday I went nonverbal for the first time in the middle of fifth period. It was kind of a weird experience - I panic texted Ivy when that happened, but neither of us knew what to do. It lasted until the end of the day.. when I got to 6th period, Band, I had a sticky note prepared saying "I'm not doing a bit, I just don't want to speak today." I wrote on sticky notes for the rest of the day, including asking my friends if they thought I could go the entire period without talking. 3 for yes, 2 for no. I won, because I was still nonverbal by the end of it, but I think it went away by the end of class, too? I don't know much about it. Sorry. If anyone could tell me more about this I'd like that, thank you.. Anyways, it was.. an experience? I think it's gonna happen again. Soon. I don't know.
Thanks.
p.s. don't mind this entry being written properly
p.p.s. 7,000 words have been written here, apparently, and apparently it'll take 25 minutes to read. i beg to differ >:)
dear diary:
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGHHH!!!!!!
i've been thinking about dork diaries a lot. the only time i ever read it was in elementary school, but for some reason, its memory is ingrained in my soul, juxtaposted with all the wimpy kid i read. i remember the beautiful art, glittery gel pen*, cutesy ... nature..? i don't know, it's hard to think right now... (*i don't remember if it included sparkly gel pen, but i've been writing with them exclusively the past week and they remind me of the book.) anyways, ive also been thinking i kind of want to Write. like WRITE. like write something really meaningful and maybe its a book and i don't really know, i wanna write something though. with my hands. not typing.
thank you????
Nothing too important.
something feels important about today. not knowing what it is, is making my stomach turn. i feel like i'm going to throw up... what was so important about today?
dear diary:
hi! i've had a long weekeend so i've had the chance to code a bit. i've been good recently, playing terraria with Ivy a lot, i've been doing whatever i want and unfortunately that includes being depressed a bit. but that's ok! we all get that way some times. i also coded what will be the website's autumn retheme, i'm proud of it and excited to implement it sometime in september, whenever i feel like it should be there. im also excited to see FNAF when it comes out, i hope it's better than mario... i saw Mario when it came out, but god, i don't actually like it that much, and i'm a HUGE mario fan. feels kinda cheap, i haven't rewatched it at all, and i much prefer Barbie cause it was really good.. anyways, bye!
dear diary:
sorry for the low quality post last entry. i feel like i remember making a number of those last year, i apologize. i want my blog to be interesting to read, but i also want it to sort of chronicle everything that happens, but i don't always have the energy or time to write a post. thank you.
anyways, school started again. it's kinda boring right now (i'm in higley's class.. ugh..) but it's fine. it's quiet. i guess its fine.. im just waiting for my more interesting 5th period, algebra 2, and my fun period, band. probably get to move things today. hooray.
(rant starts here) even though my band synth is $2000 more than my home synth (Arturia Keylab MkII vs. Korg EK-50) i like my home synth more. why? WEIGHTED KEYS SUCK!!!! they're too fucking heavy on the arturia and i hate playing complex things with them. i dont even like the synth - its just a midi controller. FINE when its just you making music but horrible when you're at band and you're missing a piece of the puzzle and nothing can work and it wont connect to anything and... you get what i mean?? "midi controllers" suck ass. useless pieces of plastic and broken dreams. "oh wow i got a $1,000 synth i wonder if i can use it" nuh UH buddy go buy fucking mainstage or FL or some dumbass shit to make it work, BUDDY. ALSO i just saw now the NERVE of these guys to sell WOODEN LEGS for LITERALLY $230... ugh.
i'm done ranting
dear diary:
school is starting soon again. i dont wanna go. also i dumped Alex i don't like him anymore
annyways so there's someone else i have a crush on and it's not gonna go well lol i know theyre gonna reject me or smth
uh... i had a pool party yesterday it was cool everyone came to it i had fun
bye
dear diary:
i've been thinking a lot about changing my name. i've been going by Kai irl now for a long time, 2 years?, and Kaia online. i like the name Kaia but i don't know if it's for me anymore. so i've been thinking about a new name- it makes me feel warm inside, i really really like it, and ive been using it online exclusively for a bit now, although i don't really know if there's a gender-neutral version i can go by.. :( anyways, i like it, is the point.
call me Brooke!
it's coming soon. i promise. the demo, at least. thanks for putting up with me
dear diary
so ive been working on upgrading my laptop. its not going very well. this new one is good and all but the fans suck and discord crashes randomly and SMBX2 won't fucking work and ALSO the audio jack is broken so i had to buy a usb one. it's not here yet, so i can't make any music today. it sucks. hopefully itll get better but i ran out of money to keep upgrading this thing so i have to wait for cosmic to pay me again. cool. uh.. so.. that's basically it. STPR demo should come out really soon. by october.
dear diary
i made a patreon. https://www.patreon.com/coffeebug if you sub, you get a comission, basically.
other than that, i've been okay. i got a huge raise in my commission prices for a show so. thats cool. new computer soon maybe
July
()))
dear diary
hi, blog
here's life recently
i've been getting up every day pretty early because i have band camp now. it's fine, i like seeing my friends and all, but i think it;s really boring, especially cause my synth hasn't worked and i haven't been playing anything these past three days (itll work tmrw i think.) so its boring. anyways ive been working on super terrible project R, and last night i hid some clues about the project in some pretty.. predictable? places? can you find them? probably. anyways, so i'll probably do a big official name reveal sometime, and a teaser video saying the demo will come out late 2023 soon. the name's already been said in a couple places, so if you look harder, maybe you'll find them? idk.
so life's been... ok? i don't know. i haven't felt good lately, at least not super good. i don't know if i'm ever gonna get the mental health help i need, and if i never do, then i'll tell you all how i'm dying, ok? haha
so um, if you want a commission, i'm open for those, i got a cashapp and a paypal now. they're.. cool.. right? i'm really tired, okay?!
it's been weird kind of having money recently? i got my bandcamp money and i kinda spent it all immeidately so im waiting to get paid again so i can spend it all immediately too.
also, i kinda wanted to maybe do a blog that is a movie review? give my honest thoughts on movies i've seen recently? sounds fun! plus ive wanted to do more "solid" "content" for a while now, like editing a big youtube video. idk. uhhh lets seee... so i saw Barbie and i could review it, cause i really liked it. i also wanna review Spirited Away cause it was so good... ugghh a BDG song just came on. ive been listening to louie zong and BDG a lot lately. and vylet pony of course, always her. i also listen to the mysterious murasame castle theme from smash a lot. its really good but it also reminds mee too much of gang-plank galleon, i think. or one of the tetris themes. remember what i said earlier? the next two songs coming up in my playlist are "thumbnail" and "soundscape diary" so i guess i was honest haha.. thanks for letting me get all this out, by the way., i don't really want to talk to anyone about all this. everyone i know won't really care or if they do they won't really have any commentary... kinda sad? idk. i dont really wanna have a conversation with someone that's mostly one-sided. over 1100 characters in this paragraph so far, so i guess i'm really just writing an essay. i guess i could talk more about band camp - it's fun, i get to see my friends. danny and koby are predictably dorky, bryan and kathryn and jonathan are funny, pit and battery are nice. i'm saying their names here in case i forget in a lot of years because i don't want to forget. i don't want to forget. i don't want to forget!! that's the point of this blog! i archive it pretty frequently to make sure nothing gets lost. i want it to stay here forever on the internet. so i can always see it. write down my thoughts and feelings and *remember* what i was thinking. because that's important, right? knowing what you thought all those months, years ago? knowing what your life was like? like is so short and fickle and ever-changing and fast and i hate it but i love it and i can't bear it and i can't wait to see more. 2000 characters. i can't believe life. it's just a mess of hopes and dreams and music and thoughts and myself and this girl i want to be deep inside trying to come out and i hate it and i love it and i'm getting rambly because the girl inside is knocking at her window and knocking at the door and asking may i please come out? yes girl, yes dear, yes sweetheart you can come out and you can spill all of your thoughts and feelings into a diary that nobody will care about and everybody will see.............
goodnight, diary
dear diary
life has been good lately! i finally got a cash card so now i can finally start getting paid for my work! i use paypal to take em. maybe ill give out my cashapp. idk. i finally got the $26 waiting in limbo from bandcamp, so if you bought an album (i know some of you did), i spent your money on Fairune Collection. thank you! that's all, except the next two weeks are band camp so i'll be busy every day :( anyways bye
dear diary
little update: life is fine right now, feeling happy cause i just finished a big commission for cosmicpostman (5:45 in length) and i am gonna buy rpg maker mz, the 2020 version, and im also gonna get the 2003 version for me and germpills. but i havent told them yet. i wanna get the latest version cause its on sale rn and i do wanna make a game with it.. idk. anyways! the song i made for cosmic is rly fuckin good, i dont think i can post it rn, but im proud of it (and getting paid!!! love that) ummm i also hid motifs of my own in there, i dont think anyone but me is gonna recognize them all. also cosmic hasnt told me anything about find a motif so,. i guess . its fine. **** has recognized them tho :3
anyways, thats basically it, just wanted to write down my thoughts. bye diary
dear diary
tomorrow im going to a sleepover. this is the first sleepover ive gone to this state since my 3 years of being here, and my second im being invited to ever. bryan and izzy keep describing it as a "girls night" and im like,, holy shit? really? i want to go to a "girls night" i wanna be a girl more. i wanna feel like one. yknow? gender is ard for me; its hard for me to even say my own name, even if its my preferred one. anyways! they're reading this . so tomorrow im gonna try and be my best self, try to be a girl, even if i dont feel like one all the time. it'll be fun.. i hope. im also ringing my modded wii u so i finally get to play nsmbwii with friends - ive wanted to do that for a while again.
apart from the sleepover, im also getting paid soon, because ive started working on another show! ^_^ or, um, i think it's a show? either that or dnd? idfk. theres like 18 songs tho, ill publish all of them on my youtube once im allowed to. bye diary
hey, diary
my weeks been really so so. i got really depressed last night. and also been a little busy because ive been getting into the original animal crossing, and of course ive been working on midifreak. it comes out today and im just now realizing i dont have seperate song uploads for all the music so i guess i should do that.... but im really tired, so whatever, i guess. i wont even release them at the same time. idk. im really tired.
bye... for now
June ─────────────────────────────────────────────o
dear diary:
here are the things that have happened:
i got animal crossing gc to work, band had no kids at it, i ruined my sleep schedule, i played vr minecraft, i coded bugyga 2, i started finished up my secret project, i played a bad shrek racing game, i ate really good pizza, and i like pac man. that's basically it.
sorry for not updating much - there hasn't really been anything big that i really want to talk about. just small things. if i decide something's cool enough, i'll blog about it, but if not, then whatever. otherwise, stay tuned for that secret project.
bye! see you soon
edit 6/27: that secret project is MIDIfreak, my next album!!! releasing july first! it's gonna be cool, pinky promise :)
dear diary:
This entry has been deleted. I'm keeping it here for numbers' sake.
dear diary:
hello! today i am holding a pool party! :) i invited like 15 people to it and i hope a lot of people show up. this is my first actual party ive ever been too - a little disappoing i had to hold one for that to happen - but whatever. i dont care rn. it will start in 2 hours and 20 mins. it will be cool! i get to see my boyfriend too so thats awesome. anyways im really hungry and im also wirint ghit son call so im gonna go do that. bye
note 11/14: i said "i'm writing this on call".
dear diary:
hello. today i am finishing up my last exams - im a little sad to leave my 1/2 period teachers behind, i like them. did you know this is post #53? i did. i hope it is at least. anyways, happy pride month, i put bug and berry in the header and they're just walkin around up there with the flag stuff on. (something about seeing bug in the trans skirt feels.. right.)
anyways, after this is summer break. back to playing video games and making music. now would be a good time for commissions!
if i had any LOL
i'm not complaining, i don't need the money super badly anyways. i just hope i don't get to a point where i have to put out "emergency commissions". i worry about my financial state sometimes. ...anyways, bye for now
May ───────────────────────────────────────────────────o
dear diary:
i want to talk to you about endless things but i dont know where to start. i really like technology, im amazed by how it works, im amazed by how it grips us all and how its intertwined. though im really interested in the emergence period of tech. like windows 95-xp. late 90s, early 2000s. i really like how it was way more fun, the UI wasnt flat, everything was marketed as hip and cool and such.. is it even possible to miss a time you didn't see? is that what we call "longing"? why do i feel this way? escapism? unrest? the cruelty of today's modern world has me feeling bleak -- like it's super hard for me to imagine how people are just okay. happy. living on a normal income, going to work, maintaining a steady job and family. how are people happy? i want to ask you everything i want to know everything you know. one day? can i see you again?
i IMPLORE you to listen to can opener's notebook: fish whisperer RIGHT NOW, or when you have time. LISTEN TO THE WHOLE THING. READ THE DESCRIPTION OF THE ALBUM and then the description of EVERY SONG. fish whisperer tells a story about a pony (named can opener, or canni), learning to love live and theirself. i can't explain it very well, but i beg that you listen to it. ...thank you.
dear diary:
how've you been? how've i been? i have exams this week and i am not prepared! i will listen to this song until i die.
anyways, this weekend i played doom eternal a lot- very good game. i like how it's literally modern doom - everything from the original is still there, just 3d now. there's a lot of collectables, and i'm a bit concerned i won't finish it because each mission is like two hours long - that's a while... i also played a lot of fortnite (i'm getting sick of the map), and some skyrim. i started replaying it because i like it. the weirdest thing i did over the weekend was successfully get windows xp running in a virtual machine - it took two hours, but it works, and i don't know why i did it, because i literally don't have a use for it. i might recreate it in html, but i might also make an html page completely inside XP and test my knowledge of html and css without looking anything up. also without using images. (just ms paint.) idk, might be cool. also also, i'm continuing to make the band kid movie i mentioned - i have a logo for it now, and some music, and i'm hungry and tired and also writing it. that's all i have for now
p.s. have you noticed im not super good at titling these?
p.s.s. i hope someone reads these and thinks of me as a cute online blogger girl
dear diary:
i wish people accepted me as trans more. i wish i accepted myself more. i never feel like a girl. it's starting to break me, honestly. i dont even look like one unless i try and even then
dear diary:
currently listening to How To Talk To Your Shadow?/Brohoof (vylet pony, carousel). i heard Discord for a second and nearly died lol
also, yesterday, i introduced the idea of making a movie to my friend in band and.. they want to do that, too. so i've started writing it. it's gonna be fun
also... i really wanna make a new EP this year. i've listened to almost all of carousel now and i really like it, though the first half of it is more my taste. still, nothing i really skipped entirely!
dear diary:
i redid my links page, now it looks like windows 95.
i feel like i have been wasting my days - maybe.. i dunno! something's wrong and i can't really place it. maybe its because ive been playing a lot of fortnite. idk lol
dear diary:
some updates:
1. my weak computer is now getting to be too weak to handle this site's code. there are nearly 900 lines, so i understand that, but i don't really know how to solve the problem. i'm either going to try and load some old blog posts from a different page in an iframe, or just shove everything inside a div that's hidden from the start.
[edit: i fixed it. it hides pretty seamlessly inside an iframe, now.]
2. i still feel like crap, but i am making more music, and i gotta say, my recent songs sound pretty good. 'bathhouse on fire' is a hit, imo.
3. i might make another romhack of something. a short, non-stp hack. SMB, SMB3, and SMW (maybe) are the games i'm considering.
4. i'm having a friend over today for the first time in months. i am excited
5. thank you guys for 200,000 views on my website, even if a ton of those are probably just bots.
dear diary:
this page's code is getting so big that i might have to do something about it eventually. anyways, i haven't felt the best recently, but i'm okay, i guess, whatever. nothing new. i made songs. i wanna work on stpr more.
also, band is gonna start soon, so at least i'm doing stuff, i guess. whatever
dear site:
the tomodachi life page is now much better, now with a photo album. link to that
(updated page may 10th, too)
dear diary:
i feel like posting another blog entry, sorry. i'm listening to vylet pony's new album, carousel, and it sounds good! i feel.. apprehensive. maybe i'm just somber today, or maybe i'm really fearing that something bad will happen - i'm not sure, but i know i feel uncomfortable. and sad. sorry.
also, also, Ready Player Two is WAY too alike to Sword Art Online than i thought. also it mentions sonic.exe. not good
dear diary:
i'm gonna start working on a tomodachi life page!
this line of text is the 6,000th update on my website.
here are some pics i want to include:
Koby and Ava.
.JPG)
Gerard "Garfield" Mulley and Eepy Girl.
these are currently all the married couples i have, by the way
bonus pic:
the roof of the Apartments building, Japanese-exclusive
other thoughts for the day:
i'm glad i have FL studio. i like having music in my life. i think creation keeps me sane.
how the fuck am i supposed to get antidepressants? please genuinely helpme
i made the tomodachi life apartments REAL!!!!!
if you wanna see it or be there, visit this:
View the apartments!
dear diary:
happy birthday to the i love you virus! that's all
dear diary:
(bryan, if you've read this entry, i hope you're okay.)
anyways, happy May. i have just been super depressed lately! i don't know why. i want to stop therapy because i don't really like talking to my therapist and it hasn't helped me at all - i don't see how it COULD, we only meet once every two weeks.
also, i feel proud of my blog, recently. it's grown to the point (and i mean in post amount) that it's, uh.. really big. like a LOT of text. i don't plan to archive any posts, i'm just gonna have the site load slower and slower as the post count grows more and more. (also, there are AROUND 39 posts so far. doesn't seem like that many when i make it a number.)
Look at my stuff
April ───────────────────────────────────────────────────o
dear diary:
feeling so-so once again. pretty depressed right now, which is weird because i'm in class, and that doesn't usually happen. i feel extremely lonely. just separated from everyone else. i don't connect to anyone here. other topic:
i don't feel good.
updates on projects: next STP is on hold until i figure out what i want to do with it, and how to write the music for it, and until i get a new computer. my next album is coming, it'll be a little different, but it'll be good. i have to re-compose each song again to sound coherent. there will be, most likely, SEVEN songs. two of them i've posted snippets of on my youtube already :)
i'm also working on two videos for sunday and monday:
Bones, very special, and Encore, releasing on the two-year anniversary of the song.
i'm going now
dear diary:
hi! yesterday i got a new phone with DATA!!! finally i can Get Free Wifi Anywhere I Go
everyone else has had data for the longest time, so it's cool for me that i have that too.
dear diary:
hi! i saw the mario movie today with friends. it was kind of an impulse thing, i didn't think we'd go but i had the money and the theater was right there in the mall so.. we went. it was pretty good! they got the original voice of Mario in there too but i can't say anything 'cause nobody's watched it yet. excited to listen to this fucker's OST when it finally releases!
March ────────────────────────────────────────────────o
hi! i'm on spring break. i've been not very okay lately but i've been making a bit of music... so here's some for a project i might work on:
YK-intro
YK-bossloop
coffeebug intro jingle
i've also got some concept art. i'm gonna share it instead of hoarding it for months!
ok bye i'm done
dear diary:
today at lunch i played mario kart home circuit in school. very fun to mess w/ people irl :)
firstly, i use FL Studio 21. most of my instruments are soundfonts! i don't use exactly the same ones each time, but the soundfonts i do use frequently are Undertale, Earthbound, Live HQ Natural Soundfont GM*, the Dore Yamaha piano**, and the windows Wavetable Synth GM soundfont. i also use FLEX a lot! their Rhodes E.Piano is in a lot of my stuff. other VSTs I use are NES VST and Magical 8bit Plugin***. i have a korg ek-50 as my main keyboard, and it has served me very well the past two years. somehow i haven't broken it yet. i'll add more to this section if i think of anything!
* I fucking love the drums.
** I have no idea where I got this soundfont. Sorry.
*** I use M8BP a lot more than NES VST now.
here is an island and pony tour! (click image to open) (fixed 4/13)
bug and her sister berry
berry's blueberry stand!
basically the whole island
their house!
dear diary:
hi! i updated the music player with new music! i also updated the sidebar (i like it looking like i'm a free user on some ancient blog site.)
dear diary:
hi! i called a water fountain a "water bottle feeder" today. unrelated: i like how crypto shit is crumbling. it's very hard to manage :)
dogulas the rat is here
am i ready to start the emo girl phase of laying in my bed, listening to music through broken airpods...?
dear diary:
hi! my birthday was yesterday, it was the best day of this year and the best for a while. i went to the mall with friends, equipped with $200, and spent a LOT of money at hot topic. it was really fun, i wanna spend the rest of my birthday money at the mall soon, and get some new clothes for myself! i really need some new ones.
i got splatoon 3, mario maker 2, and SM3DW, and playing mario maker has kind of inspired me to make more SMBX2 stuff - but maybe not? this is so much easier.. i'll share some levels when i get home.
dear diary:
the excitement of my birthday is keeping me going strong. also, stardew valley. i've been playing it a LOT recently.
(side note: i have the pac-man back bling (clyde) in fortnite, and i think he is adorable. i'm excited for the new season in about a week!)
Feburary ────────────────────────────────────────────────o
dear diary:
the neocities reached 100k views today. that's cool
life is still not favourable, though it is okay. i suppose.
my birthday is in one week. i am excited
feburary 28 thoughts:
garfield
dear diary:
i've been playing a lot of minecraft and fortnite lately i have also been sad lately i hate this life
dear diary:
I FINISHED OFF AND PAPERS, PLEASE. THEY ARE VERY DIFFERENT GAMES.
OFF was a journey.. i streamed it the whole time, and it was great. the ending, though sad, was reasonable given the lore..
i have to compliment the map design, characters, and music!! (also i just like the Elsen(s?) )
papers, please, however... very different.
it has a vibe unlike any other game i've played, and i hope that's saying something. it was enjoyable reading the wiki as i played it, and i recommend playing it on PHONE for once, because it's just easier.
also, i got two fortnite solo wins today, so that's something. night.
dear diary:
i feel like one neocities website should be called a "neocity".
garfield should be a community run comic, imo. it'd be cool if you could submit comics. it'd also be cool if garfield did a form break again
also, i don't like the new artstyle
dear diary:
hi! i've been thinking about doing something with Oni (my youtube PFP). they're really cool. i think there's a picture of them on my stuff page if you're interested.
also, i'm updating the site. i wanna put a little more emphasis on the sidebar
surprisingly, nobody's commented on me using FNAF OCs on the top of my page.
dear blog:
headlines recently - "toy story 5, frozen 3, zootopia 2 confirmed!!" i don't think disney outright confirmed toy story 5 - the story is done! frozen MAYBE has some potential, but i'm most excited for zootopia. the world does have a lot going on, and another adventure with Small Rabbit and Weirdly Shaped Dog would be fun.
i know toy story 5 isn't explicitly confirmed -- it could be a spin-off. from Iger himself: "And today, I'm so pleased to announce that we have sequels in the works from our animation studios to some of our most popular franchises: Toy Story, Frozen, and Zootopia." this doesn't super duper confirm toy story 5, but could be interpreted as a spin-off -- or maybe that's just wishful thinking from someone who doesn't want a toy story 5. i don't know. see ya.
dear diary:
i've felt very gender and body dysphoric lately. i hate myself a lot more than i should.
edit: i really wanna make k.k. robot synth into a more vocaloid-sounding song. link i need to look at later: (reddit link that, anticlimatically, contained literally nothing.)
dear diary:
i've been playing wonder boy: the dragon's trap a lot lately!! it's a VERY fun game and it looks absolutely BEAUTIFUL -- it also plays very nicely. it's a great action adventure platformer where you can change forms and solve puzzles realted to your forms - and fight enemies and the boss are all kinda hot dragons? yes please
anyways, it's really good. :3
also, look at my featured song for another STP preview
dear diary:
okay, campers, rise and shine, and don't forget your booties cause it's coooold out there today
today is groundhog day. nothing much has been happening lately but i did finish a new commission ^_^
January ────────────────────────────────────────────────o
dear diary:
the new STP game is coming along nice. it looks great.
[Broken link. It was a "LIVE TUCKER REACTION" meme replaced with Mario.]
here's a preview of the OST:
[Broken link. It was a song from STPR. Probably the old version of Purple Forest.]
apart from STP, i've not been good lately. angry and depressed, but i don't really want to talk about that right now. until later
dear diary:
i think Super Terrible Project will be returning soon.
dear diary:
my mental health has been so-so and fluctating lately. i think i'm okay right now, though. i posted some ear-chocolate new music on my tumblr blog, for my new EP.
dear diary:
so i've been struggling a lot with my name... i really like my chosen name (kaia) but i can't handle my stupid fucking dead name (
dear all:
i made a webring for weird and obscure video games! go to this page to join it and view the info
dear diary:
is there anything special about today? idk
will try to get new music out later today ig
dear diary:
i run the lgbtq+ club at school.. once great with three co-owners, now it is just me, and the life is drained from the club as only 3 people show up every week. i am losing energy and faith in it.
really... i'm losing faith in myself, a bit. i'm exhausted, i can't manage creating music anymore. notice how i haven't uploaded a song in like two weeks? it's not from lack of trying. do i need a break, or do i need a change in my life? do i need happiness to create? do i need purpose, fulfillment? i don't know.
with every passing day, my question grows louder: does anyone care about me?
dear website:
you can now play super terrible project (and hh) in your browser. :)
dear website:
i re-wrote my commission info. please check it out if you want to spend 10-15 bucks on okay music. :)
dear diary:
i finally finished the harry potter series today, and despite the creator's shit stance on most things, i gotta say that it was the best book series i've ever read. lore introduced at a pace easy to understand, characters i loved, and a wonderful world. 10/10 to the books, -3/10 to j.k. rowling for being a terf bitch.
dear diary:
the stuff and music pages have been added, but music is WIP for now.
edit 1: the OpenDyslexic font toggle is back
dear diary:
my yearbook class makes me very anxious.
i don't really have any friends at this school. i have peers, i have people who know who i am, but in terms of someone i talk to every day, share interests with, hang out with... no-one. i used to have two best friends here, but one graduated and one moved. i have nobody to talk to. i keep to myself.
and it's hell, y'know? i'm not a quiet person. i am talkative. i just happen to have that combo'd with stupid social anxiety, i can't talk to people, and i am afraid of trying to. it's impossible.
so i write out my thoughts for someone to read. it's good to get them out. i just hope things can change -- they'll have to, or i'll continue slowly dying by myself.
dear diary:
new semester of school just started. i'll update this post as it happens.
i run the school gay club, we got our tshirt orders today (pic later).
i'm looking through my explosion game update concepts from last march. i called it the "forest update". i am thinking of merging "explosion hill 2008" with it.
dear everyone:
my 2023 goals are as follows:
- make and release an EP
- release some kind of continuation to STP
- get more goth clothes
- hang out with people more
- learn to like myself
December 2022 ───────────────────────────────────────────o
dear everyone:
as you may have noticed, i'm redoing my website! i got bored of it.
this is the first version of the site to FINALLY use a style.css page, and the code is a lot cleaner than before, mostly because now i've learned a lot about HTML.
i really like this blog-central design, small text, very nice colors, etc, and i really like the 'night' feel it's got (i didnt even plan that.)
it's not done yet! tomorrow i'll finish up decoration, buttons, and the other pages. in the meantime, you can view the old page here.
dear diary:
i uploaded my final video of 2022. next year teases another project trailer. :)
dear diary:
i got art block! that's fun.
anyways i got sick of my GM soundfonts for some reason.. but, i got some new realistic-sounding sf2s and they sound really good! i made three songs with them and they're gonna be up on my youtube soon, they're up on my tumblr. i will be posting my music on tumblr FIRST from now on.
forgot to add: i got a new Switch for christmas and i've been addicted to Animal Crossing for the past few days. if i can visit your island please dm me on discord
dear diary:
i think i need to fix the fonts on this page lol
anyways, i made a soundfont! it's a collection of instruments i use frequently / just like :)
blog time. i am going to the mall with friends on the 23rd, that's pretty cool and i want to . i plan to get my computer fixed sometime next year, so then i can finally do cool shit again (explosion game update.)
12/21 update!
hi! i reset my computer so i can use it better, and i can actually work on things now!
super terrible project 2 is cancelled, and i'm figuring out what to do with it. there will probably be a third installment.
kaia's explosion game got updated! i fixed most of the badges, added a bit new stuff, i plan to add more later! i want to expand the empty hill to the right of the coffee shop, expand the entire area into one big box area, and add to the forest... but that's not all, haha.
i want to add crossroads-esque buildings on the hill, make it taller, bigger, etc etc. the builds can be explored and blown up, and there will be npcs to attack there. i will also add lore. i will ALSO ALSO be expanding the main building! i want to add offices, cubicles, bedrooms, a bathroom (looking exactly like the one in spamton mcdonalds 2), and more. that's all i have planned.
lastly, i gave spamton mcdonalds 2 a new trailer today! it's fun, and i love it. i hope it gets people into the game.